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cdvdk

fear cuts deeper than swords
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Got the new Flyleaf album "New Horizons"...It's bittersweet. I love Lacey so much, what a voice, and the woman's testimony is so touching and raw. If you haven't heard her story -you need to. She's always been an inspiration. I'll miss her so much. It's like she's dying...I'm happy that's she's spending time with family though, but gosh, she's so awesome. xD And my uncle never did get me her autograph... :(

So far, from the new album I like Fire Fire, Cage on the Ground, Bury Your Heart, Freedom, Saving Grace, Stand and Broken Wings... <3

Love her lyrics <3 And she actually managed to write a song about my dad. Brownie points if you think you know what it is.. :P


And "Again" is like...the story of my life.
Totes.



Anyway... night.
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The last time

5 min read
I'm kinda lost for what to do (as one usually is while doing a mundane task like laundry) so I figure I can do :iconamoursincerelyyours:'s and :iconrubberduckyfied:'s questions. :)

I'm not tagging anyone, so don't panic. xP

~
:iconrubberduckyfied:'s Q:

1) Favorite Song?
Probably 'The Girl' or 'I'm Yours'. Always make me happy. ^^

2) Would you Marry young?
Maybe, if we'd known each other for a long time..? It's not something I'd take lightly.

3) Lord of the Rings or Star Wars?
Would you make me choose between vanilla and chocolate? They're both really good, though I think Lord of the Rings is easier to understand. And Star Wars is funnier. :) C3P0 ftw!

4) If you could move anywhere, where would it be?
Umm...I don't really know. I'll probably stay in Canada. Free Health Care! :D

5) What's your Zodiac? Explain its traits, is it true to you at all?
I'm a Libra...:I I don't put a lot of stock into them... How can stars know about you?


Diplomaitic and urbane
Romantic and charming
Easygoing and sociable
Idealistic and peaceable

Indecisive and changeable
Gullible and easily infuenced
Flirtatious and self-indulgent

Oooh, yeah. This just shows how much they're wrong, haha. xD 'Easygoing?' 'Sociable?' 'Charming?'....and really guys 'Flirtacious??' rofl. Gullible maybe :)

6) Harry Potter; Books or Movies?
Movies. Though my opinion is totally biased. I'm sure the books are much better if you've actually read them.

7) If you could change one things that's happened during your life what would it be? Why?
I wish my dad was around more. Maybe I wouldn't feel so awkward around him then? :shrug:

8) Do you want Kids? Explain.
No, though I'm not totally against it. I'm completely convinced I'm not the right type of person to be a mother. I'm not sure I can love someone the way a mother needs too. That and I'm far too awkward, haha. I think I'm too quiet like my dad, I love differently.

9) Favorite Movie?
Monsters Inc.!! :D

10) Favorite Candy?
Skittles, with gummibears a close second.

~
:iconamoursincerelyyours:'s Q:

1) What are you most afraid of?
Going to Hell.

2) What is one personality trait you have that you would change?
I wish I was nicer...or I wish I was optimistic. There are so many.

3) On a scale of 1-10, how much to you fear the future? ( 1 being 'meh' and 10 being passing out)
25. Seriously...whenever I stop and think about it, I just get flustered and teary...I know, I know, I'm a wuss. xD

4) What is the meaning of life?
In my opinion, to live with passion, love, integrity and to honor God in whatever you do...whether I'm meeting this purpose can be argued upon. xP

5) Where do you feel most at home?
In a hug. Wherever friends and family are.

6) What is your opinion on mondays?
Some are tolerable...usually I just never wanna get out of bed. xD Days of the Week barely apply in summer though, so I'm cool with them now. :)

7) In your opinion, what makes up a perfect man?
Your best friend. Funny and charming. Someone who knows all your faults and loves you all the more for them. <3

8) Who is your favorite actor or actress?
Chris Hemsworth I guess? <3 Though Will Ferrel, Jack Black and Kristen Wiig are awesome. Anyone who can make me laugh.

9) What classes in school do you hate? Which do you absolutely love? Explain.
Social. Eww, just eww... grade 8 was awesome but sometimes it really just made me hate the human race, not wanna help it. xD And ohh....don't get me started on Mrs. Mills...jk ;)
I love L.A. though, and Latin. L.A. I feel in my element or kinda...safe almost? (If that's not too weird too say) Poetry and stories are beautiful too me, and Latin just makes me drool with how old it is. I actually like most of my classes, just some for different reasons...Math I like because I don't have room to think of anything other than numbers, very...methodical? Art because it makes me practice and really focus without judging too quickly, which I don't know why an art room does that to me. xD


10) What is your all time favorite quote?
"I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11


Soooo, that's it :) Ta-da!
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Have you ever thought about writing a letter to your future spouse?

I don't know if a lot of people have heard about it, but being a Christian I hear about it a lot. Virtuous wives safeguarding their virginity, a mislead young man who promises to change for his future wife. A lot of letters I hear about are how young people promise to wait for marriage. I suppose the idea of whether a person thinks being a virgin until their married is stupid or precious will affect whether they view writing letters to a far away or even unlikely person in their future. Some will think it romantic, others think it cheesy or weird. I don't really give a flying flapjack though.

If you know me at all, you'll know where I stand on the whole waiting for marriage thing...though I think even if I wasn't a Christian I'd still wait out of the whole romanticness of it -sigh-. I mean, to love someone so much that you'd put up with temptation and save your whole self for one person? It's just so incredibly beautiful to me...:heart:

So anyways, I did do it. I wrote my future hubby a letter. No not a novel. Being midnight I probably didn't really censor it as much as I would if I was more awake (when I say censor, I wasn't writing dirty things thankyouverymuch ;P). I told him all the traits I thought he'd have, how I don't expect him to be Prince Charming but I wrote about my magnetism for chick flicks and how they are included in a husbands sacrifices to his wife.

I told him that I can't wait for him to be my travel buddy. But that even if we're in the poor house or swamped with kids (I really doubt that) that I will try to make every day an adventure for him. :)

I also told him he can have my virginity...

I asked him if he ever became a father to tell our kids he loves them. Hug them and kiss them, even when they're too old for it. I told him to be the dad I wanted my dad to be, because I will be a horrible mother...

I know I think about him way too much for a teenage girl. Honestly it's the only thing I'm looking forward to about 'growing up'. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with this man.

Can't wait to meet him.
:huggle:
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What do you want to do after high school?


Wow. It's the age old question isn't it? I've always been jealous of those kids who are so sure in who they are and what they wanna do. Seriously? Not fair. Not that I don't have dreams though. I do, believe me...but not the kind you can explain. Nothing to do with work...

This is for my CALM teacher. These are the dreams I have. The ones I cannot put on a list because they aren't 'real'.

~
I want to learn. Every day. About people, about myself, about the world. I wanna find out what I'm good at. I wanna love whatever job I'm in, and not just do it for the money.

I want to get married. So bad. Probably too much for a teenager. If I could only pick one thing that I for sure wanted to do it would be to find a loving husband. I want be able to give my husband my virginity on our wedding night. I want to find a Christian guy that won't be revolted at me because I'm different and traditional. Gosh...I want someone who won't leave me. I wanna love. I wanna be loved.  

I want to travel, but more than that I want to feel everything. Every monument, every person, each blade of grass, each sigh. I wanna document them in my mind; absorb the world while I'm still alive. I wanna go everywhere because you only live once.

I want to learn to play a guitar.

I want to make my family proud. I want to get over my fear of failure.

I wanna hug somebody first, I don't want to feel afraid of rejection. I want to look in the mirror and see me, not who I think I am. I wanna know what other people think about me. I want to not care about it, and care at the same time. I wanna feel beautiful without changing who I am. I don't want to feel ashamed about thoughts I've felt, about the way I've treated my body. I wanna feel good enough... I wanna know who I am.

I wanna own a home, with yellow siding, and a bright red door. I want a happy house.

I want a husband who will try to convince me to have kids. I wanna learn how to be a mother. A good one. With free hugs and smiles. I wanna big backyard, my kids to never get hurt even though I know they will.

I wanna walk with my head up. Talk to people, without my voice shaking. Listen too. I want to help others.

I wanna not be afraid of disappointing anybody. I wanna be proud, courageous, and strong. I want to scream. Have you ever wanted to? Can you scream in an empty house? I want to. I want to sing to somebody.

I wanna die before I'm too old. I don't wanna be the last one...I couldn't bear it. I wanna die before my husband, maybe in his arms. I wanna go to heaven. I hope I do. I wanna not think about death every hour of my life.

I don't want to doubt what I believe. I want to take the insults, the homophobe, the bible thumper, the weirdo, the fag, and smile. Because it means I've done something right. I want to be able to defend my actions, respect yours and live with integrity.

I wanna live...without fear of death.



~I want someone to care enough to read this
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Urhm...bleh. I dun wanna do this...but I have nothing else to do :P
Think I can do two for one?

Tagged by both :iconmsblackrobin: and :iconsutathewolf:
...thanks guys xD

~
1:You must post these rules.
2:Each person must post 10 things about themselves on their journal.
3:Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post, and create ten new questions for the people you tag to answer.
4:You have to choose 10 people (...as if) to tag and post their icons on your journal.
5:Go to their pages and tell them you have tagged her/him.
6:No tag backs
7: No crap like"you are tagged if you're reading this." You legitimately have to tag 10 people (..nuup)


About moi
1. I'm that quiet kid in class
2. If I'm not talking to you, my nose will be pointed either downward at the ground or in a book
3. I'm a pessimist
4. I love the guitar
5. I know...G, D, A, C, Em(?) and a few other chords (not nearly enough)
6. My favourite colour's green
7. My room is a mess
8. I love Dallas Green
9. ...And way too many other people
10. I love Jason Mraz even though he looks like a hippie


....:iconmsblackrobin:'s Q's
1) Okay! So what's your favourite show/manga/anime/whatever?
...Um....er-Horrible Histories? Anime?-no thanks xP

2) Do you constantly draw artwork of it?
I tried once actually...needless to say I failed at it

3) Do you have any... SECRET... artwork and/or past times?
I draw naked men ;)...no justkidding ^^ Almost everything I draw is a secret because I end up crumpling it up anyway...I try to draw people though when no one's around to laugh at it lol

4) What do you like to do alone in your room, preferably with no one in the house?
Will you laugh? ...sing actually...rather loud xD

5) What was your childhood dream?
What I wanted to be? I was convinced that I would be either a mermaid or a princess when I grew up. It was never encouraged. :P

6) Is it still the same and/or what is it now?  Has it evolved?
Yeah...totes. Erm...I'm not totally sure what my dream is now. To travel I guess with my husband if I'm that lucky. That's all I really want.

7) What was your ULTIMATE FAVOURITE show(s) when your were VERY little?(Under 8! >: D)
Ohmygoodness...how much time do you have? I remember Dragontales...and the Land Before Time! :)

8) Have you secretly gone back to watch it again?
No, I wish, haha

9) Have you not-so-secretly went back and watched a whole kiddy series just for the heck of it?
If you count Sesame Street than forsure. ^^

10) Have you watched an entire series just for the romance and for no other plot?
I can't think of anything, but probably.

~~

...:iconsutathewolf:'s Q's
1) What eats up most of your free time? (and don't say school, homework or anything, those don't count as having 'free time')
Usually listening to music and recently Kingdom Hearts and the tredmill, so I'm not a total slacker I guess. :P

2) What is your all time favourite book? As in the book you treat the most as your own offspring...
You're asking me to play favourites? Um....19 Minutes maybe, or The Luxe? I think they're the ones I've read the most and am always tempted to re-read

3) What band could you listen to over and over without getting sick of?
City and Colour. Hands down...no other option. <3

4) How was your day? Any interesting details you want to share?
Typical. I watched a biography in CALM about Arnold Schwarzenegger, lol. Read Romeo and Juliet which was awesome...Sam is so cute when he reads for Romeo, haha. Very average.

5) What do you want to improve in your drawings/works?
Um, everything? No joke, I suck so bad xD

6) Who were you named after? (first name - you can make it up if you want)
My dad's other wife...no, apparently my name was a spurr of the moment thing. My dad just liked it and picked it literally at the hospital. Fine by me...their plan was either Kelsey or Kaitlyn...something with a 'k'. I'm way more of a 'c' girl ;)

7) Do you have pet peeves? Care to share?
Seriously? I have a whole list...slow walkers, people who cuss to prove a point, people who chew with their mouth open *cough* AND WHEN PEOPLE TOUCH MY NECK >(

8) What do you do when you're extremely bored/tired?
I think I bake when I'm absolutely lost for what to do...And listen to music and sing horribly lol

9) Are you social or anti-social? (doesn't have to be in a bad way) Like do you prefer company to being alone.
Depends. If it was strangers than sorry but I'd rather not socialize... It's kinda a mood thing. I hate being left alone with my own thoughts for too long though. I have attatchment issues with my friends and family though they don't know it. What can I say? I'm complex like that.

10) What is something you would say to me if you could say ANYTHING without repercussions?
That....you're.....awesome. :) That you take yourself for granted sometimes though you shouldn't because you're a talented, creative and beautiful girl with a whole lot of passion. Wuv you. :3


~~Now the hard part
My Q's

1) Is there something you obsess over too much? What(or who) do you spend most of your time thinking about?

2) What are you afraid of? Is it something(someone) physical or something else?

3) If you could travel back in time, what event or what time would you go to?

4) If you could change anything about your external appearance, would you do it and if so what would it be?

5) What's something that you haven't told anybody?

6) Brains or brawn/beauty? Rebelious or gentleman/lady?

7) Would you ever elope with someone?

8) Would you trade a year of your life for a million dollars?

9) Any annoying habits?

10) What's atleast one thing you honestly like about yourself? (Can be internal or external)




TA-DA!

I tag...
:iconrubberduckyfied:, :iconamoursincerelyyours: and :iconjesusfreak100:

And anyone else who wants to because I have no friends xD

What a way to kill an hour ;P
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